I have been feeling an extremely wide range of emotions over the last few weeks due to my release from LSA and my subsequent call to LuHi. Interestingly and geekily enough Doctor Who expresses all these emotions almost perfectly. So here are the clips in question.
The first two clips come from David Tenants last episode as the Doctor, The End of Time Part Two. The first comes when the Doctor has once again saved Earth from near catastrophe, but his friend is stuck in a box that will kill him if he touches anything. And for the Doctor, the phrase “leave no man behind” is not just a saying, but a way of life. He knows he will die (and regenerate) if he helps Wilfred. And this is his response and it’s how I felt and sometimes still feel about what happened to me in the last few weeks.
I know I could do so much more at LSA than what I did in my five years. And being summarily released for a problem you knew about for years just makes me very angry like the Doctor displays here. And what’s MY reward?
This next clip shows us the Doctor, Amy Pond, and Vincent Van Gogh. For those who don’t know Van Gogh struggled with depression most of his life and died penniless as an artist. After their adventure, the Doctor and Amy bring him to the future to show him what would become of his life’s work.
This connected with me because I feel that the lateness of my release deprived me of the moment that Van Gogh had in the gallery. I did not get to have my big moment for goodbyes with my students. And that hurts. Granted this was largely due to my choice, but I did what I did to not draw focus away from those kids graduating. I stand by my choice and would not do it any differently, but it still hurts.
This last clip comes from the same episode as the first one. Here the Doctor regenerates. I was going to just do the part of the clip where David Tennant says his iconic phrase “I don’t want to go.” But I realized the full clip of the regeneration has so much more meaning for me at this time in my life. The switch from the sadness of what has to happen to the pure joy of new opportunities despite very real and very present challenges, make it just perfect. I am glad I watched it all the way through so I could remember that change and understand it better in my life.
I, like the 10TH Doctor, did not want to leave. I wanted to stay and teach at LSA, but unfortunately, that choice was taken from me. On the flip side of that coin though, the excitement felt by the 11TH Doctor is how I feel about my new job. I can remake myself and get a fresh start with students who have never had me before. So I can be who I want without anyone whining about, “This isn’t how you did it last year.”
So this has been my emotional journey over the last three weeks. I hope it helps you understand me more and better.
Thanks for your time and have a nice day. Questions? Comments? Concerns? Class dismissed!
Curtis, Richard. “Vincent and the Doctor.” Doctor Who. Dir. John Campbell. Prod. Steven Moffat. BBC. 5 June 2010. Television.
Davies, Russel T. “The End of Time Part Two.” Doctor Who. Dir. Euros Lynn. BBC. 2 Jan. 2010. Television